


Habit

by Capricorn_Karebear



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Cheesy, Coma, Hospitalization, Ice Cream, Just sappy stuff, M/M, Sex, Sickfic, Tsukki writes the lamest song ever, Yamaguchi is clingy....
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 10:25:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12230964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Capricorn_Karebear/pseuds/Capricorn_Karebear
Summary: An overly-dramatic fic about a certain Yamaguchi Tadashi during a time of trouble~





	Habit

Every evening, without fail, Tadashi would pull the dinosaur blanket from off the rad and wrap it around his boyfriend's shoulders. And every evening, without fail, Tsukki would remove his headphones from his ears, patting the space next to him on the threadbare, creaky, second-hand couch, before reaching to the coffee table and picking up whatever book they were currently reading together. And then Tsukki would read.

Tadashi loved this part of the day, when he could snuggle into Tsukki's side and listen to his voice in a way he knew that no one else would ever hear. His regular monotone suddenly held so much colour.

Every morning, without fail, Tsukki would wake up early, have a shower, and make a cup of peppermint tea for his boyfriend who was still asleep. He always took the kettle off the stove right before it whistled, so as not to wake Tadashi. Then he would pour the tea and eat something while waiting for it to steep. Tadashi liked honey in his tea, but not too much. Tsukki had figured out that the scratch close to the tip of the blue spoon was the perfect measurement. He would have to clean the spoon and put it back in the drawer right after because he didn't know how to get it right without the scratch on the blue spoon. He didn't want it to get lost.

Every morning, without fail, the radio-clock alarm in the bedroom would go off and Tadashi would stumble groggily into the kitchen with a scowl, (usually in Tsukki's burgundy t-shirt with the stegosaurus on the front). Tsukki would put the mug of tea between his boyfriend's hands and that scowl would disappear for a moment as he kissed the side of Tadashi's head.

Every morning, without fail, Tsukki would silently watch Tadashi drink the peppermint tea. And when Tadashi was done, Tsukki would take away the empty mug and set it in the sink before following Tadashi to their room. He would watch the freckled boy peel a dark red stegosaurus t-shirt from his body. Tadashi would hang it on the bedpost before leaving to take a shower, and Tsukki would stay to get dressed. They always brushed their teeth together before leaving the apartment.

Tsukki loved the mornings best. He loved being the one to put a smile on Tadashi's face every morning. And he loved being able to shamelessly stare at him before he was awake enough to get flustered by such things. Tsukki loved seeing Tadashi's features completely relaxed - mouth hanging open, drool sliding down his chin and onto the pillow - before getting out of bed. No one else got to see these things or know these things about Tadashi.

Every morning, without fail, they would kiss each other good-bye and Tadashi would say, "Love you, Kei." And Tsukki would say, "Shut up, Yamaguchi." And they would laugh before he said, "See you later, alligator."

"In a while, crocodile."

 

()()()

 

Tadashi ran up the grey carpet of the stairs with his messenger bag snug against his side to prevent it getting caught on the rail. He swung open the thin, wooden door at the top and grinned. "Tsukki, I'm home!"

There was no response.

Tadashi shut the door quietly behind him, his grin faltering a little. He was anxious to tell his boyfriend about his essay.

"Tsukki?" He wandered further into their apartment.

A note on the kitchen counter revealed the reason for the silence in the home.

 

Gone to Bokuto's to get a book. Might pick up some groceries while I'm out, too.

 

So Tsukki was running errands. Tadashi would just have to tell him the news later.

But as the minutes ticked by, Tadashi grew worried. It was a Friday. Tsukki was usually studying for music history class on Fridays when Tadashi got home. Tadashi would always wait until just before suppertime, when he knew Tsukki would start to nod off, to slip two hands under the blond's shirt and run them over the bones that jutted out, visible through his milky skin. Tsukki would sigh and push his long, slender fingers through Tadashi's hair, brushing his scalp with the calloused tips. And sometimes, if Tadashi made a persuasive enough sound, Tsukki would make a fist to pull his head backwards and they would both forget about music history and supper and everything else.

As the minutes ticked by, Tadashi grew even more worried. It was almost suppertime and Tsukki wasn't home yet.

Tadashi heard a faint melody, one of Tsukki's compositions, the one that he wrote for their three year anniversary a few months ago. He heard it coming from his messenger bag, still slung over his shoulder. He lifted the flap and dug around for his phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi, this is Tsukishima Akiteru. This is Yamaguchi, right?"

"Yes, it's me. Is Tsukki with you? Is everything alright?"

"We're at the hospital close to your school."

Tadashi felt his heart plummet, dropping in his gut and weighing him down until he sunk into the couch farther than he thought possible. It was the worst feeling he'd ever had.

"Yamaguchi?"

"Yes! Is he okay?"

"He's... alive."

Tadashi felt his focus blur as tears welled up in his eyes.

"Tsukki... is.... What happened?"

"I think there was a car accident and he's fallen into a coma. You should come here. The doctors aren't telling me anything yet, so I don't... know if he's..." There was a sniffle on the other end. Akiteru's voice came through again, a little more choked-up than before. "going to make it. I'm probably overreacting, but... you should come."

"Okay, I'll see you in a few." Tadashi hung up and let his head hang for a moment before standing up, spine rigid, and leaving the apartment, locking the door behind him.

 

()()()

 

Tadashi ran all the way to the hospital, where he was directed by the lady at the desk to a waiting area.

"Yamaguchi," Akiteru wrung his hands. "They said that we'd be allowed in soon. I asked if you were allowed in and they said it was fine since I'm his only family member in Japan."

Tadashi raised his eyebrows at that.

"Our parents are still in Europe."

"Oh."

A short man with dark hair and square glasses approached the two of them, waving around a pen like a conductor's wand. He reminded Tadashi of Takeda-sensei, which was oddly calming.

"Ah, are you here to see Tsukishima Kei?" He pointed at Tadashi's chest with the end of the pen.

"Y-yes," Tadashi stuttered. "I'm his boyfriend."

"Ah, I see. And you're the older brother, correct?"

Akiteru nodded.

"Ah, good. Come with me."

Tsukki was lying on a generic hospital bed with tubes hooked up to his arms and face. He wasn't wearing his glasses and there was a line of grime on his hairline.

Tadashi clamped a hand over his mouth to muffle his sob, "Tsukki!"

 

Eventually, Akiteru had to go home to his son, leaving Tadashi alone.

He crawled up as close to Tsukki as he could get. "Tsukki," he said. "I have news. My essay was so good that my professor made me his student of the month. I think everyone gets a turn, but to have a high enough mark to have my picture and essay in the school news... this early on in the year... it's really cool. My professor gave me a pair of tickets to the symphony at the end of the month. I know you wanted to go, but the tickets were too expensive. We can go together, now.

"The doctors said that you're going to be okay. It's funny, though. Your main doctor looks just like Takeda-sensei from Karasuno. Do you remember him? The faculty adviser for volleyball club? The other students made fun of his glasses, but I always thought they were cool. He was my favourite teacher.

"Tsukki... where are you glasses? You look just like Akiteru without them on. It's kinda weird, actually. I'll bring your spares tomorrow if I remember."

"Yamaguchi Tadashi?"

Tadashi turned to see short doctor.

"Ah, I'm afraid visitors have to leave, now. You'll have to come back tomorrow. Visiting hours are eight to eight."

 

()()()

 

Tadashi yawned and rolled out of bed. He followed his own feet to the kitchen and plopped down on one of the two stools at the table.

Yamaguchi Tadashi was never a morning person, but the past years, living with Tsukki, made it easier. It's not that he liked the mornings; he just liked Tsukki in the mornings.

But today, he was especially grumpy. His peppermint tea must not be ready yet. There was nothing worse, in his opinion, than not having his tea ready as soon as he got up because it meant one of two things. A) Tsukki was out of the house for some reason, or B) Tsukki and Tadashi were having sex. And obviously, they weren't having sex. He would have noticed. So that led him to the conclusion that Tsukki was out of the house and he didn't have anything marked on the calendar, so he'd left without letting Tadashi know where he was going and when he'd be back.

That's when Tadashi remembered that Tsukki couldn't tell him where he went. Because Tsukki was in a coma in the hospital.

Tadashi lifted his hands from where they were sitting on the counter and fisted them in his hair.

He hadn't cried this much since he was twelve, when he'd told Tsukki that he was bi. But that was different because then Tsukki had told Tadashi that he was gay. And then it was fine.

This wasn't fine. At least, Tadashi didn't feel fine. He felt a lot worse than he had on that day. Because Tsukki had been there to comfort him, whereas now....

Tadashi missed the guest-speaker in his nine-thirty sociology class he'd been looking forward to. He was too busy trying to get rid of the vomit smell in the rug.

When Tadashi got to Tsukki's hospital room, he was greeted by a few familiar faces.

"Yamaguchi," Kuroo greeted, uncharacteristically mellow.

Tadashi bowed his head in greeting and forced a small smile.

Bokuto was hanging off Akaashi, who was holding a tissue to the former ace's nose.

"Bokuto... are you crying?" Tadashi asked, a little concerned.

"It's my fault! He was hit on his way to our house! I am so sorry, Yamaguchi! I didn't mean for him to get hurt!"

"Bokuto, it's not your fault. I'm not upset with you." Tadashi rubbed at the back of his head nervously; he hadn't been expecting other visitors.

The twist in his gut was, by now, well-known to him. He clutched at his stomach.

"Yamaguchi?" Akaashi's eyes were glossy grey. He was obviously tired and probably didn't want to be here. And yet he cared enough to come. And he cared enough to question Tadashi.

Tadashi wished that Kuroo and Bokuto were too tired to visit Tsukki.

"I'm fine," he lied.

The rest of Tadashi's visit was filled with people who didn't know Tsukki as well as they thought they did.

 

()()()

 

At home, Tadashi crawled into bed. He didn't take off his shoes or his coat. He didn't study, or read, or watch a movie, or do anything he would have done otherwise.

Instead, he laid on top of the covers, completely still, completely silent.

And then he remembered to breathe.

Tadashi smoothed a hand over his coat pocket. It was a nice coat. Tsukki had bought it for him when they were in their last year of high-school. It was grey and, as Tsukki liked to say, "old and gross." Tadashi just thought it was "well-loved."

The pocket was a little worn, but still just as soft as when he first shrugged it on over his pyjamas on Christmas all those years ago.

Tadashi used all ten of his fingers to feel the coat. He slid his hands up and down the fabric, tapping here and there, pretending it was a field of snow and the tips of his fingers were the children. Any bumps from his clothing underneath were frosty hills. He drew swirls as if his fingernails were the sharp blades of ice skates. The shiny black buttons were the toboggans lined up nice and straight for a race, maybe. He used to do that when he was little....

He tapped the top button, almost willing it to move, in a sense. He fumbled with it until it popped open and he resumed the previous actions of roaming his grey, snowfield coat.

Tadashi's palms pressed more firmly into his chest. Now he imagined that his hands weren't his own; he pretended it was Tsukki. He closed his eyes with a quiet sigh, sliding his hands up to caress his own cheek.

"Kei..."

 

()()()

 

Tadashi closed his fingers around the handle of his mug and brought the peppermint tea to his lips.

It didn't taste right; it wasn't the same as when Tsukki made it.

A book rested an arm's length away from him on the kitchen counter. A single crack ran down the spine; it had only been read once or twice, fairly new.

Bokuto had borrowed the novel to him at the hospital less than twenty-four hours ago. The Picture of Dorian Grey, it was called.

Tadashi set down his empty mug and stood up, snatching the book, and shuffling to the front door.

He was still wearing clothes from yesterday.

 

"I miss you," he began, holding his boyfriend's motionless hand. "Tsukki... please come back soon."

As expected, the blond boy didn't stir. The tubes and wires hooked up to his sleeping form were still and the only sound - other than their soft breathing - was the steady mechanical beeping emitting from the devices keeping the comatose patient alive.

Tadashi squeezed his eyes shut and focused on the feel of Tsukki's hands. The tips were rough and he had a prominent writing callous, but the lengths of his fingers were smooth and his palm was soft like velvet. Tadashi loved the feeling of Tsukki's hands; he knew these hands.

 

()()()

 

Tadashi exited the lesson hall with Yachi glued to his side.

"So he's still... asleep?" Yachi's face was down-turned, as if she was ashamed for asking.

"Yeah," Tadashi replied, hiking his bag higher up on his shoulder.

"I'm really busy with classes, but if I have time later this week I'd like to visit him with you. Would that be okay?"

Tadashi gave one small nod and smiled a little. The first smile that week, he thought.

Tadashi remembered a time when he thought he was in love with Yachi, but that quickly faded and his feelings for her were replaced by the familiar feelings for Tsukishima Kei.

They continued walking together to another building on campus, where Yachi had het next class. She waved good-bye over her shoulders as she entered the front doors.

"Bye," he whispered in response.

Tadashi wished he'd brought mittens with him; the weather was getting colder. There was a thin layer of frost on the windows, the sidewalk was a little icy at some parts, and the wind had a bite to it. Walking places became hazardous in the chillier months and he had to remind himself constantly to wear a scarf, and remembering to wear gloves was a process, as Tadashi was the type to stick to a routine.

He patted his messenger bag to make sure the blanket was still there from that morning. He'd pulled the dinosaur blanket off the radiator in the living room, folded it neatly, and stuffed it in his bag - a little less neatly, mind you - and taken off for his morning class. It's not as if the blanket would have run off during class, but Tadashi thought he would check; just in case.

Tsukki's face looked just as pale as the day before, but his brow was smooth and unwrinkled, his features completely relaxed. He looked innocent, like a child, and Tadashi couldn't help but feel a little nostalgic. Tsukki hadn't looked this calm since he was a child. Because he was snarky and crude (even as a child), he was rarely ever seen so relaxed and not even Tadashi had the pleasure of seeing him all smiley and cute; that just wasn't in his character.

Tadashi opened the flap on his bag and stuck his arm in, feeling the fuzzy material of the blanket, before lifting it out and billowing it out over Tsukki's still form. Next, he pulled out a book with a crack down the spine. It looked fairly new, as if it had only been read once, maybe twice, in its life.

He sat down on the stiff chair next to the hospital bed and opened the book. He held Tsukki's hand as he read.

 

()()()

 

Tadashi rested his head on Tsukki's leg with The Picture of Dorian Grey right in front of his face. He hadn't been reading for very long, but he was already tired, used to Tsukki doing the reading for him. " 'I really can't see any resemblance between you, with your rugged strong face and your coal-black hair, and this young Adonis, who looks as if he was made out of ivory and rose-leaves.' This is really gay, isn't it? I bet the author was gay. What if you wrote a book, Tsukki? What would you write about? I can imagine you'd write a children's book about musical dinosaurs or something. Or maybe you'd write about volleyball, or maybe you'd write about me. I think I'd write about you if I was writing a story.

I used to write about you all the time, you know... in my diary. You were virtually my only friend until high school, so I guess it was only natural that I'd have so much to say."

Tadashi prodded at the blanket over Tsukki's torso, stroking a single line with a single finger for what felt both like only a few seconds and many, many hours. He couldn't be sure which was more accurate.

"Yamaguchi!"

Tadashi started and bolted up-right, the book clutched tightly in his grip.

"It's good to see you." It was only Akiteru, but Tadashi wondered how he could stay so cheerful when his younger brother was in a coma. "How has he been?"

"The doctor says there's been some improvements in his responsiveness, but overall there have been no major changes to his condition."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"I brought some music. I read online that listening to favourite music can help."

Tadashi nodded. "Can I stay, or do you want some time alone?"

"You can stay for a bit if you want to." Akiteru smiled softly.

Tadashi nodded.

"I think I'll take the kids in with me tomorrow evening to visit. Do you think he'd like that?"

"Yeah, I think he would." Despite what most people thought, Tsukishima Kei was a sucker for kids. He loved his nieces and nephew a lot, and Tadashi knew Tsukki was already craving children of his own, though he hadn't directly brought it up, of course.

"I think so, too." Akiteru slung his backpack off his shoulders and unzipped it, removing a small boombox from within it. He slipped in a CD and pressed the play button.

Music flowed from the speakers. The song was familiar, something Tsukki had listened to a lot when he was little, but Tadashi couldn't place what it was.

The two of them sat opposite each other with Tsukki lying between them, not saying a word, listening to the music.

Tadashi recognized most of the songs, but it wasn't until about fifteen minutes later that he knew one of the songs. In high school, they would play this song on repeat while they did homework, the song that was playing whenever they got distracted.

Tadashi realized he had spaced out. The song playing now was almost over, just the tail-end of a piano piece, probably something Tsukki wrote himself.

When the next song started, Tadashi's heart stopped.

"This is an original composition for Yamaguchi Tadashi. It's a work in process; I don't know if he'll ever even hear this version, but I wanted to know what you think.

"They say that I'm a fool, but I know that they are wrong, my love. Nothing's ever made so much sense to me, whether they think it's right or wrong. If they say it's sinful, fucked up, I have to disagree. Because I belong to you, my love. To you, my heart will belong. And I will vow to stay with you, with you. With you.... They say I'm a fool, but I can't help but think that they are wrong. Because you're beautiful. Is thinking that a sin? If it is, what kind of world must we live in? And I'm so afraid, so afraid of what we'll become. If they kill us off, or tear us apart, I'll still belong to you. Stay with me, don't let me go. My dreams are the same as yours, it's time to unite, my love. I belong to you, to you....

"Yeah, that's it. I think I'm gonna take the words out, because I can't write poetry for shit, that's Tadashi's thing. But is the instrumental okay? I think it's okay... even though I know I have to work on it. Something's missing, but I don't know what it is. Please help. His birthday is soon."

Tadashi never knew that there were words to that song.

 

()()()

 

Tadashi pulled off every article of clothing one by one. His coat, his scarf, his sweater, his left sock and his right, his pants, his shirt, his underwear. He kept an elastic in his hair.

He walked to the bathroom, leaving his garments strewn by the front door, and turned the water on in the tub.

On holidays, he and Tsukki would bathe together in the evenings. Sometimes they took baths on a regular day, but that was rare. It was a regular day today, but Tadashi was alone.

The water stopped running abruptly. Or, maybe he had shut it off himself. Yes, that was it.

The water line in the bathtub was only halfway. Nevertheless, he sank into the cold liquid with grace. He tucked his knees to his chest, hut his toes still brushed the porcelain.

Tadashi didn't know how long he sat there, mind uncomfortably blank, face numb, legs aching and asleep. He felt his heart crawl into his throat, but he decided then and there that when it left his body... he wouldn't clean it up. He was too tired.

 

()()()

 

When he woke up, Tadashi was met with his own naked form covered in sweat and vomit. The water in the tub was disgusting and frigid. He just wanted to go back to sleep, but he just sat there.

He eventually found the strength to move. He cleaned up in the shower and got dressed.

He didn't have a class until three, but he had a work shift in less than an hour. As Tadashi passed the clothes left by the door, he sighed. He had to pull himself together. Being a wreck wasn't helping anything.

 

()()()

 

Whenever Tadashi was sick, Tsukki would always run to the store to buy the expensive alphabet soup. The same brand that Tadashi's grandmother used to get when they had special sleepovers.

Tsukki generally wasn't very good in the kitchen, but he was exceptionally skilled at making alphabet soup at this point in his life. Every time he tasted it, Tadashi was certain it was the best he'd ever had.

The two of them would settle down on the bed in their underwear and watch documentaries on Tsukki's old laptop until Tadashi fell asleep on the taller man's shoulder.

Tsukki would stay up, so if Tadashi woke, he would be there to guide him back to sleep with gentle humming and a constant, moving pressure on his back.

If Tadashi was sick to his stomach, Tsukki would always provide a bowl for him and rub soothing circles into the soft tan flesh of his back. Somehow, he always seemed to have those salty, square crackers. Tadashi always tried not to think about where his boyfriend had been keeping them.

In the morning, if it was a sick day, Tsukki would bring Tadashi's peppermint tea in to him and watch him, to make sure he drank it all.

Tsukki would keep his phone on in class or at work - even though he wasn't supposed to, unbeknownst to Tadashi - and send his boyfriend reminders and keep tabs on him all day. (In truth, it was all he could think about.)

The dinosaur blanket was strictly off-limits if someone was sick because Tsukki did not want puke all over it, so naturally they didn't have reading time on the couch when someone was ill, but Tadashi liked the documentaries. Sure, they could never agree, but he usually won because he was sick, so he didn't mind.

Tsukki would clean furiously when Tadashi was sick. (He might have been a bit nit-picky about germs.) Still, when he was done he would take his schoolwork into the bedroom to keep Tadashi company while he studied. Tadashi just liked to watch, and Tsukki didn't mind, so they would sit in quiet.

Eventually, the scratching of Tsukki's pencil would lull him to sleep. And Tsukki didn't really mind; there were few things more endearing than a sleeping Tadashi.

Tadashi wished that Tsukki was here now to make things better.

 

()()()

 

Tuesday was shopping day, but the fridge was full enough for him to last comfortably a few more days, at least. Tadashi had never realized before how much food his boyfriend ate compared to him.

After his shift at work, Tadashi went to the store anyway.

The Tsukishima family had a habit of sending store-bought birthday cards to each other during the holidays, or when someone was unwell. Tadashi had quickly caught on and started signing them.

A particularly glittery card grabbed his attention. The card was pink and sparkly with an orange (obviously intended to be female) triceratops wearing a bow on its head. It said: Happy 4th Birthday!, which Tadashi thought was appropriate for the occasion. The inside was blank, save for the small font reading, "For a special girl:" which was, in Tadashi's opinion, ridiculously difficult to read.

Perfect, he thought, snatching the card and corresponding pink envelope.

He didn't stop there, though. He took a short trip to the ice cream section and collected two different brands of strawberry. The kind that was just pink, and the kind with the real strawberries.

When he got home, Tadashi pulled out a pen and begin to write. (But only after the food was put away.) He wrote for a little longer than what would be necessary had the card been for a friend or family member. But for Tsukki, it wasn't just necessary.

He couldn't help the things he wrote in that card; he wrote his feelings the best way he knew how. He knew Tsukki would appreciate it. He knew that Tsukki would feel the love if he ever picked up the card.

The two tubs of ice cream sat in the freezer, untouched, while Tadashi put on his coat and left the apartment, empty-handed, for school.

 

()()()

 

Akiteru was at the hospital when Tadashi got there with the card and the ice cream.

The same songs were playing as the night before, albeit a little more softly than before.

Luckily, it seemed that the staff hadn't interfered with their set-up, as The Picture of Dorian Grey was where he'd left it next to Tsukki's head and the blanket was still spread across him.

Tadashi greeted Akiteru quietly, setting a pink envelope next to the book.

Akiteru didn't say anything, just smiled, closed his eyes, listened to the music.

By the end of the evening, the ice cream was gone and the two wakeful men had dry tears streaked down their cheeks, from joy or sorrow, they couldn't quite remember.

Tadashi was sprawled out across Tsukki's legs, holding his boyfriend's lax hand, when he felt a finger twitch.

He couldn't help but smile as the doctor ushered the guests out of the room and he realized absentmindedly that his face was wet again.

 

()()()

 

It was Thursday.

The air was chill and the sharp, stinging bite of the wind attacked Tadashi's face until he was numb. His hands were raw with cold; he'd forgotten mitts again.

Yachi was bundled up beside him, yammering on about her cranky professor and some stupid class that was dumb and she didn't like. It was, of course, littered with her planning "thinking out loud" about Kiyoko's visit the following weekend. Which, just to clarify, Yachi didn't think was stupid.

Tadashi had given Yachi the symphony tickets so she and Kiyoko could go together. He figured they would have more fun than he would alone.

At this point, Tadashi wasn't really listening anymore, bored of the two topics she presented (with such passion and vigour that he couldn't possibly stop her) when they first met up.

Instead, Tadashi let his mind wander.

When they finally made it to Tsukki's room, the room felt so happy in comparison to last time there were multiple people there. (Not including Tuesday, of course.)

Tadashi recalled the day when it was him, Kuroo, Bokuto, and Akaashi. The mood felt completely different this time. Almost like a weight had been pulled off his chest, Tadashi sighed, let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

Yachi placed a hand on his arm, smiling fondly up at him. "You okay?" she asked softly.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Yeah, I'm more than okay, I think."

"Hi, Uncle Tadashi!"

Tadashi waved to Akiteru's son. He was about five, and very small for his age, but Tadashi always enjoyed his company when they had visits.

"Is this your first visit with Kei?" he asked softly.

The small blond head bobbed up and down. "Is this your first visit?" he asked, with a bit of a lisp because his front adult teeth weren't fully in yet.

Tadashi winked. "Nah, I get to visit every day." Well, he couldn't go yesterday because of work, but the kid didn't need to know that.

"Whoa," he breathed. "Daddy wouldn't let me come visit before, even though I wanted to. But if you get to come everyday, so you must love him a lot. Like this much." He held out his arms out to the sides.

"Not that much."

The child's face fell into a look of confusion before Tadashi smirked and held out his long arms until his fingers were touching (quite awkwardly) behind his back.

"I love him this much," he whispered. "But don't tell anyone, okay?"

The blond boy nodded and giggled a little.

Akiteru held a finger to his own lips and gave his son a pointed look. The boy, with a guilty look, copied his father's actions, holding a small finger over pursed lips.

Tadashi thought it was funny how Akiteru's attitude changed so much when he was with his child.

Tadashi sat in his regular spot and held his boyfriend's warm hand. Tsukki's fingers would twitch every once and awhile, but no one else noticed, as Yachi was fascinated by Akiteru's retelling of one of Tsukki's blond moments, which he had surprisingly often.

Twitch.

"Were you there for that?!" Yachi wheezed.

Twitch.

"Unfortunately not."

Twitch.

"He was always so cynical in high school, it's hard to imagine him like that."

Twitch.

"I think he's a little sensitive about his... sensitive side."

"Tch."

The room stopped for a moment, like Tadashi was the only one moving in real time, whipping his head to look at Tsukki's face.

His eyes were only half open, and his mouth was only half scowling, and his head was turned in Tadashi's direction, but his gaze was unfocused. Tadashi could feel tears welling up in his eyes, and feel his lower lip trembling. There was a pang in his chest and before he knew what was happening, the whole world was in motion again.

Yachi hurried past him, presumably to fetch staff. Tsukki's nephew was leaning over his legs excitedly, where the dinosaur blanket was still draped across. Akiteru was lifting his son up into his arms and forcing him away from Tsukki.

Yamaguchi stayed, a tear sneaking by and slipping down the skin of his cheek.

"I can't see," Tsukki whispered hoarsely.

Akiteru spoke up, realizing Tadashi's apparent inability to do so. "We'll get you some glasses, okay? I think you have a spare pair at home, right?" He looked to Tadashi for confirmation.

He nodded. Tadashi's whole body felt numb, but he managed to choke out, "Yeah, there's a pair somewhere."

Tsukki's eyes opened a little more. "Yamaguchi," he said. "Tadashi, I miss you."

"I'm here... I'm here, Tsukki." I'm here....

 

()()()

 

Tsukki drifted in and out of wakefulness for the next few days. Tadashi made sure to be there as often as possible, so Tsukki wouldn't wake up confused without anyone to calm him down.

It seemed they'd gotten lucky, as Tsukki's only major problem was memory function, and even that could have been a lot worse, according to the doctor. (Who, Tsukki agreed, strongly resembled their teacher from high school.)

Despite the lack of severity in regards to Tsukki's condition, the time he spent in the hospital seeped by slowly, and Tadashi felt like time was trickling away from them. By the time his boyfriend was discharged from the hospital, it seemed to him that he'd been living alone for much longer than was actually the case.

Akiteru drove them both back to the apartment, so Tsukki wouldn't have to walk too far in the cold. He smiled when he dropped them off and the Tadashi uttered a quick thank you to him.

Tadashi followed closely behind the slender man up the stairs; he was hyper-aware of danger since the accident, though he tried to be stealthy about it, as he didn't want to be berated for his concerns.

The first thing Tsukki said when he got inside was, "What happened to the rug?"

Tadashi felt heat at the back of his neck as he sheepishly retold the embarrassing story of how he stained the rug. Although he was expecting an annoyed tch and maybe a roll of the eyes, that is not what he received.

Instead, Tsukki wrapped his arms around Tadashi's shoulders and squeezed.

Was he... was he... crying?

Tadashi ran a soothing hand over the crying man's back, the way Tsukki would do for him when he was sick. "Shh," he said. "It's okay. I'm here, everything's okay now. Shh...."

 

()()()

 

"So..."

Tsukki raised his eyebrows. "Yes?"

"That song you wrote for our three year anniversary."

"Mm? What about it?"

"You wrote lyrics." Tadashi grinned.

Tsukki tensed beside him on the couch.

"Why didn't you tell me about them?"

Tadashi could hear his boyfriend grinding his teeth. "Because they're bad. I suck at poetry."

This was true, Tsukki was not the greatest writer. "But, Tsukki!They're so cuuuute!"

"I'm going to kill Akiteru."

"Don't do that, Tsukki."

"I won't. For now."

 

()()()

 

Tadashi ran up the grey carpet of the stairs with his messenger bag snug against his side to prevent it getting caught on the rail. He swung open the thin, wooden door at the top and closed it behind him.

"I'm home," he called softly. "How's music history going?"

"...Slow."

Tadashi walked up behind his boyfriend and ran a hand through his short blond curls.

It had been about a week since Tsukki got out of the hospital and he was struggling with school, for obvious reasons.

"Tsukki..." he trailed off, only whining a little. (What? He wanted attention.)

"Shut up, Yamaguchi." The response didn't hold any bite.

Tadashi's laugh bubbled up from his throat. "Love you too." And he could hear Tsukki smiling behind the hand covering his lips.

 

()()()

 

Sometimes, Tsukki would ask to play volleyball. So, every other weekend, Tadashi would set up a game.

And every match, without fail, Tadashi would bring the dinosaur blanket and they'd all sit around it, eating Yachi's snacks and laughing until it was time to go home.

After every match, Tsukki would hold Tadashi's hand on the way home, and Tadashi would swing their arms as he looked at his boyfriend with a grin on his face.

They both loved those moments, when they were exhausted, but so alive and unafraid.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is brought to you with support from my awesome beta-reader! She is such a blessing <3


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